“He said you’ll be fine as I crouched over the toilet bowl trying to make myself throw him up. I was unable to. He was inside me, his cells mingling with mine forever. How the f@#k did I get here?” wrote Natasha Chenier on her personal blog.
Natasha Rose Chenier, 27, from Vancouver, Canada met her biological father for the first time when she was 19-years-old.
Anger at her mother and feelings of loneliness motivated her to find him.
“She’d stayed in an abusive relationship with a new partner for almost a decade, and when it ended, my self-esteem was wrecked and my confidence shattered. I wanted to find a parent who would love me unconditionally, who would protect me.”
Natasha’s mother was also 19 when she had a casual relationship with Natasha’s father but he quickly left when she became pregnant, leaving Natasha to grow up fatherless.
Chenier tracked her father down and flew to Jamaica to meet him several times over the span of two years,where he treated her to lavish gifts and expensive meals.
Her attraction towards her father grew stronger despite attempts to stifle her feelings and she later discovered that he wanted to have sex with her from the first moment he saw her.
“The sexual feelings I had for my father felt like a dark spell that had been cast over me.”
She hated herself after having oral sex with him and would get physically sick at the thought of what they had done.
After being with him several times, she couldn’t handle the negative emotional impact it had on her and returned home where she sought therapy to help her understand their dysfunctional relationship.
Through counselling Natasha discovered that she fell victim to genetic sexual attraction (GSA)
Experts estimate that these taboo feelings occur in about 50 percent of cases where estranged relatives are reunited as adults.
Behavioural hypnotherapist and regressionist Nicolas Aujula says the most common form of incest is between siblings and father/step-father and daughter incest ranks second on list.
He found that when incest involves minors its clearly an act of abuse fuelled by power-driven attitudes and perverse behaviour picked up in childhood.
“There can also be an enjoyment on the abusers part of getting their own back from past experiences of being belittled or wronged.”
Natasha hopes that being open and sharing her experience will help others who have had sexual relationships with family members feel like they aren’t alone.