I should by all rights be eating my hat this week, boiled for a few hours and seasoned with Aromat. My excuse, dear people, is that my teeth are not strong enough anymore for the task at hand.
But why you may ask.
When Julius Malema and his comrades launched the Economic Freedom Fighters a few years ago, I did not give them a chance.
Being the tjatjarag writer that I am, I put my thoughts on paper. And there they are in the archives, immortalised for future generations.
My predictions that the party might collapse were informed by a few things.
First of all, I saw it as yet another party born out of anger, and not principles – like Cope, which had broken out of the ANC.
Cope immediately fizzled out like a fart. You know the kind of fart I am talking about: loud, but not smelly enough to offend, which is the primary function of a fart in the first place.
Another misgiving of mine about the EFF was that I couldn’t see two megalomaniacs, in the person of Malema and Kenny Kunene working effectively together.
There was also Dali Mpofu, a tried and tested strategist who I thought would not gel with Malema.
I did not know much about Mbuyiseni Ndlozi at the time, but he also did appear like an intellectual who wouldn’t stomach Malema’s bellowing.
As we all know, the EFF is celebrating its fourth anniversary this coming weekend. In the four years since it launched, the Red Ants have not been polishing the seats of parliament with their buttocks.
They have been working b***** hard.
The long walk to parliament, as seasoned politicians will tell you, is not paved with gold. There are huge potholes and predators on the side of the road, ready to pounce on you.
It is thanks to the EFF that Nkandlagate was kept alive not only in parliament but actually weaved its way into our lexicon under the slogan #PayBackTheMoney.
South Africans spent time glued to their TVs, watching our president being roasted by the EFF.
It made for gripping, albeit cringeworthy TV. You might not be enamoured of Jacob Zuma per se, but you still expect his office to be treated with due decorum. Warts and all, he’s still a democratically elected president.
After countless denials that he had anything to do with the illegal funding of the enhancements to his Nkandla compound, the president finally relented and undertook to pay back the money. A major victory for the EFF, love them or hate them.
The EFF’s victories are many, and they have been irreverently captured in a play which I saw at the Theatre on The Square in Sandton last week.
Written by Mike van Graan, State Fracture comes in the wake of yet another play by the same playwright, Pay Back The Curry, which was also performed at the same theatre a few months ago.
Just from the titles of these hilarious productions it’s not difficult to guess what inspired them.
Van Graan’s work, performed by Daniel Mpilo Richards, is as much a nod to the role of the EFF as it is a tribute to the resilience of the South African people who have to deal with the Guptas, Brian Molefe, Hlaudi Motsoeneng and other potholes.
It is no accident that Juju gets referenced at least three times in each of the two plays. He is the man of the moment – this time, for all the good reasons.
I find myself coerced by circumstance to concede: it is within the realms of possibility that Juju could be president of the republic in my lifetime.
As we say ekasi: Juju, ntwana, ngiyakuvuma.